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Academy, The (Bijou Classics)

Bijou Classics   (1980)
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Academy, The (Bijou Classics)

From where did all the scrawny, milk-white boys of the seventies come? A better question might be: where are these guys now? Sure, there are plenty of them in art school, but they certainly ain't in pornos. Even the "twinks" today have muscles.

Thankfully this film serves as historical record of the existence of geeky matchstick giraffe lookin' guys getting it on. The theme for this film is military academy cadets, but aside from the dark gray uniforms, there's nothing military about any of it. There is a lot of inventive three and four-way sex play, complete with blowjobs, condomless butt fucks, and ass licking.

The cinematography isn't great; most scenes are overexposed, with the exception of a solo scene with muscly star Roger, all oiled up and ready for some self-love. But the Bijou technicians have done an admirable job of remastering the footage for DVD transfer, and the film is definitely watchable. The incessant voiceover however is as painful as a three-inch wide splinter. Anyone who's watched older porn films will probably recognize the voice of the man who performs much of the dialogue. He has a distinctive, glass-and-gravel voice that certainly does not match what these youngsters would sound like. All that said, though, the sex is pretty good.

Two cadets, in uniform, take a test. They call their teacher over. The teacher leans down to help one of them, a cute, fluffy-haired blonde, and is kissed. The other cadet, a brunette, pulls the teacher's pants down. This sets off a sucking and fucking maelstrom, with Blondie doing the munch on the teacher while Brunet Cadet takes Blondie's big one into his pretty lips. They fuck and fuck in a million positions. Brunet Cadet even plows Blondie while Blondie's busy inside the teacher's ass. Blondie later cums all over the teacher's face and they wind down by kissing and sucking some more.

Two different cadets go to the movies and are cruised by the slightly androgynous usher. They go back to his house for a soda. What they, and we, get is a three-way of snow-white skin, giant cocks, and hairy assholes. These three are really beautiful. One cadet sports a buzz cut and has a huge, uncut cock. The usher is almost a feline, with his long hair and bedroom eyes. The variety of positions is stellar, and, as already mentioned; these kids are hung. Where did these scrawny scarecrow teens get such monster dongs and low hanging balls?

Three more guys, with no military connection whatsoever, share the pleasures of each other's young flesh before we are treated to the centerpiece of the film. A young man falls . He's dreaming of his gym teacher, Roger. The text at the beginning of the film describes him as "The ONE and only Roger." The voiceover beast offers this gem, "Oh, that Physical Ed. teacher, oh, is he some hunk!" while Roger squeezes his pig through his almost sheer, white sweatpants. Roger is set against a black background, framed in a red-orange halo. His biceps glisten, his baby's arm shimmers. He worships himself as the camera worships him in slow motion. He uses both hands to grapple with his massive erection. He is quite a magically delicious man, save for the sweatband, which does come off after while, thank god. Sadly, this wonderful scene ends with Roger delivering only a skimpy drop of scuzz onto his oily torso. Linterlude Roger is a great change of pace from the rest of the more briskly paced action, giving much needed variety to the film.

After Roger's scene, there are three more sequences of varying quality, all overexposed, but all filled with the luscious young flesh that really makes this film. Problems and all, The Academy offers a lot in only a hour, which is at least, as Martha would say, "a good thing."


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